Posts in Aging
A Long Time Ago ... I Cared About "Star Wars"
Clever graphic made here.

Clever graphic made here.

That pretty much says it all, but I feel compelled to go on a bit—because I can’t be the only 40-something that was perfectly happy to put the Star Wars universe on the Nostalgia shelf in late 1983, for occasional future passing perusal. Can I?

There must be a sizable swath of my generation that isn’t interested in these movies (and shows and games and endless seas of merchandise), right? Maybe you’re out there, and like me, have responded to the trilogies and series and everything else by not responding at all? Or maybe—and this is perhaps more likely—you’ve been frightened to voice your dissent because it would be unpopular with friends, family, Twitter followers? I have to admit that I’ve refrained from outright honesty on the topic in the past for that very reason.

It’s not that I care much what people think, though. (That ship sailed two paragraphs ago.) No, for me the root cause of my silence on the subject has been this: that loving Star Wars is some kind of inherent obligation, and that not doing so proves that there’s something wrong with me. Not admitting that I couldn’t care less about these events shielded my psyche from some brand of self-inflicted damage, I guess. It allowed me to feel that much more normal, culturally in tune, true to my place in human time and invention. It let me look people in the eye easier.

Well, screw that.

Were it not for my Twitter usage—and the inescapable Jedi-like power of marketing—I wouldn’t even know the title of the latest Star Wars movie. I haven’t watched the last two or three. I don’t know if Adam Driver plays a young Darth Vader or who the Mandalorian is. (Wasn’t there a character in one of the Matrix movies with the latter’s name?) I’m just not interested. And all the hype then pushes me beyond that passive state into negative emotion: I will not be interested.

I thought Old-ass Yoda was awesome; I don’t need Baby Yoda. I loved the Ewoks and the battle sequences in their forests. The battle sequences on Hoth. X-wing fighters. Princess Leia. Lightsabers. R2D2. The storytelling!

The first movies—they were everything when I was a kid, yes. I loved The Empire Strikes Back most of all. But by the time the next trilogy began, I was already out. Revisiting that world felt unnecessary. Felt opportunistic. Felt like a cash grab. No, it was a cash grab. (An ingenious one, at that.)

How can I say that? I worked at a mega-retailer at that time, and I ran the toy department. After receiving pallets and pallets of movie tie-in goods, I was tasked with replacing entire aisles with Star Wars items. Late at night. Behind yellow caution tape. While dozens of Christmas-morning-faced college-aged dudes (like me) gawked at the filling pegs and shelves with awe. As the clock ticked toward midnight, the crowd grew and the fanboys used their shoulders to gain better viewing positions.

At twelve a.m., I stepped back, pulled away the tape, and the guys fell upon the aisle like lions on a kill. It was incredible. It was ridiculous. It was gross.

It went on for days, weeks. And the ritual was repeated with each toy-segment street-date.

It turned me off. My positive associations with Star Wars shriveled, my fond memories retreated to the darkest corner of the Nostalgia shelf.

Also, those three movies were pretty lame.

Jar Jar Binks was way better as an action figure than a silver-screen reality.

In the years since, I’ve paid less and less attention to the Star Wars machine, while feeling more and more certain that my apathy made me ignorant. I increasingly believed I was missing something, that something necessary was missing from me. I actually lied to people about seeing the movies, about knowing how story elements were tying together. (You likely know who you are. Apologies.)

No more. I’ve finally come to terms with not caring. At the same time, I’ve decided to climb up and reach back to that shadowed part of the shelf and dust off the original positive Star Wars associations, and to share those epic opening strokes with my son. I’m opening that wondrous initial door of imagination to him, letting him decide if it’s cool or not. (Right now, he thinks anything on the television screen is awesome, so it will be a while.)

It’s entirely possible that one day my kid, when he’s no longer a kid at all, will think that I was a strange contrarian indeed for leaving the Star Wars world after Return of the Jedi. And well before then, the majority of the three readers of this piece will agree. Well, I’m fine with that.

To each their own Yoda. It feels good to finally, publicly, readily admit it. Who’s with me?

10 Records of 2019 That Spoke to My (Aging, Anxious, Hippie-fying) Soul

Inside the vinyl gatefold of Sturgill Simpson’s Sound & Fury, above several other records discussed here.

Could my twenty-five-year-old self hear my favorite albums of 2019, he would say something like, “What have you become, dude?” Yes, my tastes have changed more this year than in the last twenty combined. It’s my personal equivalent of global warming reaching its irreversible tipping point, American democracy suddenly galloping toward history, Christians knee-jerking from—well, you get it. It’s been a strange year for my listening habits. Never before have I been so taken by such varying acts and albums. Not since my childhood have I spent so many hours with country music. And not since ever have I been so concerned about the direction of this country, which also influenced what I listened to in 2019. That doesn’t mean I was drawn solely to music with a message; vocals actually proved the least necessary musical ingredient, with so many of my favorite albums heavy on atmosphere and ambiance rather than words and verses. If these trends continue, well, I don't know what I'll be into five years from now. And that lack of predictability is refreshing. (An uncertain American future, however, is not.) Dude, indeed.

10. Not Waving & Dark Mark - Downwelling

I eagerly seek out everything Mark Lanegan does. The frequent, eclectic collaborator strays perhaps as far as ever from his psych-rock Screaming Trees beginnings with this effort pairing him with electronic producer Not Waving (Alessio Natalizia). Here the eminently stoic "Dark Mark" actually sounds vulnerable at times, lending his stormy, poetic, authentic lyrics to equally moody, yet synthetic, soundscapes. Think industrial rhythms, chains dragging on pavement. The mashup is haunting, and because it's so different, stands apart from this year's also quite good (but more typical of his recent solo work) Somebody's Knocking.

9. Fangclub - Vulture Culture

I don't know if this Irish rock trio (Steven King, Kevin Keane, Dara Coleman) was inspired by early Silverchair and Nirvana and other notable bands of the grunge era, but it sure sounds that way. There's a raw nostalgia at play in the crunchy guitar-centricity of these songs, as well as a wry, dystopian point of view that echoes some of the best music of that time. But that's not to say Vulture Culture is derivative; it's a wholly successful, fresh set of songs that reflects a longing for human connection, as well as the pessimism and urgency of civilization's current troubled times. It's anthemic, emotive rock at its best.

8. clipping. - There Existed an Addiction to Blood

I've listened to this album just five times. While it may seem ridiculous to put something on this list that I haven't spent many hours with, I urge you to give this a listen. It's such a critical, heavy, avant-smart creation (by Daveed Diggs, Jonathan Snipes, and William Hutson) that you don't need to have it on repeat to feel its impact… and yet, with each listen, more depth, more lyrical wizardry, is revealed, as with slowly turning a kaleidoscope. With its cinematic horror-genre atmospherics and verses, intermittent harsh noise, and varied, melodic refrains, Addiction to Blood quickly seeps into your psyche, then lingers like a grisly nightmare (even if you don't tune in for the somehow entrancing 17-minute closer, "Piano Burning," which is solely the creepy sounds of apparently just that). In the best possible way. No doubt the sixth listen will be even more powerful.

7. The Unauthorized Bash Brothers Experience

And now for something just a bit lighter. The Lonely Island's members (Andy Samberg, Jorma Taccone, Akiva Schaffer) established themselves as comedic musical geniuses years ago, but unlike some humor-based artists, their intelligence and shtick continue to resonate with each record. This effort marries the act's slick beats and raunchy rhymes with baseball—specifically, 1980s Oakland A's baseball. Jose Canseco and Mark McGwire baseball. Steroid-era baseball. This album (accompanied by an equally hilarious short film) is an entertaining treat for anyone who appreciates hip hop and pop constructions, and in typical Lonely Island fashion, is better than much of the actual music of those genres. But for long-time baseball fans? It's pure gold.

6. The Highwomen - The Highwomen

Once upon a time, I was into country music. Around that time, four male legends of the genre released their first Highwaymen record. It was memorable. This is more so. The voices (of Brandi Carlile, Amanda Shires, Natalie Hemby, and Maren Morris) are striking, poignant. The pointedly female-framed storytelling resonates authentically (without losing a sense of humor). The song "My Only Child" is an instantly timeless ode that requires repeat listening (for this parent of an only child, anyway). The Highwomen is something of a double-edged sword; it's so good that you can't passively listen. Find something else to fill your ears at work and in the car, and put this on when you have 45 minutes to digest every word and chord.

Not to play favorites with this accomplished quartet, but the record got me listening to Shires' solo work, and it is simply fantastic. I just may have played her 2018 effort, To the Sunset, a few more times than this record.

5. Duff McKagan - Tenderness

I wasn't won over by McKagan's front-and-center role in his band Loaded. His bass playing is of rock legend, but I didn't love his vocals. Well, maybe he just hadn't found the right genre. With Tenderness, he rides a rusted rail between old-school country and sincere folk delivery, covering a host of present-day societal concerns. The record feels like the most honest thing McKagan has created… perhaps ever. The faded-outlaw Shooter Jennings production suits the Guns N' Roses icon. As do the simple constructions. And the topical themes—homelessness, addiction, domestic violence. For a storied artist who's written much about "being a man" in recent years, this solo effort captures him living his definition. Taking a stand. Being vulnerable. Feeling emotion. Being responsible. It's a convincing, affecting sound for McKagan, and I hope he'll explore the dusty, barbed-wire tones further.

4. Trent Reznor & Atticus Ross - Bird Box

These two visionaries can seemingly do no wrong. There's Nine Inch Nails. There's one effective, immersive soundtrack after another. Then there's this accompaniment to the blindfold-centered Netflix suspense flick… and it's far superior, in the pulse-pounding and terrifying departments. You need not watch the movie more than once, but this world-building instrumental score begs for one play after another, despite pushing you to the edge of your seat, tensing your shoulders into an uncomfortable hunch, each time. The track titles ("Sleep Deprivation," "And It Keeps Coming") enhance the dangers-in-the-dark feel of the record, and the long-ish running times (up to nearly 13 minutes) generate inescapable dread that you'll welcome again and again. The original "abridged" score was incredible, but then Reznor & Ross released a supersized Bird Box vinyl box set (and stream) that imprints on the psyche—in all its sparse piano-y, whale song-y, deadly glory—for over two hours.

3. Billy Strings - Home

How does a 27-year-old dude write songs that authentically speak to the wistful, fearful mid-life mindset? How does he play country guitar as if his songs were speed metal? How does bluegrass even rise to this level for me? I don't have any of these answers, (though I think my gateway artists were likely Steve Martin and Neil Young). And so what? Strings' second solo record builds on the themes of his Turmoil and Tinfoil, reflecting on loss and mortality in a sincere, beautiful fashion that belies his years. Home also bears poetic commentary on our backward-sliding society, which feels a necessary ingredient for relevance these days, fair or not. This set of songs are alternately melancholic and fiery—and a couple of them at an epic seven-plus minutes—which also aligns with the general feeling of 2019. (Sample lyric: "We can turn this old familiar nightmare into a song.") Home is at once a warning message of what our species is destroying, a testament to Strings' irrepressible drive to create, and a love letter to human connection… all wrapped up in a blanket of interwoven traditional and modern bluegrass sounds (or at least my guess at what both are).

Strings and his band are a treasure. Now how about a pairing with Amanda Shires?

2. Tool - Fear Inoculum

I had no doubt that I'd like Tool's first record in 13 years. This band just makes music that I connect with. (Their records have always been go-tos when I'm feeling angry/driven.) But I also expected to be at least slightly disappointed, as is typically inevitable after so much waiting and hype and waiting some more. Well, Fear Inoculum induced zero disappointment. It's monolithic. It's a majestic tapestry. It's somehow the sum of the band's previous musical parts—and yet more, an evolution of its sound and exploration of its intensely calculated-jamming tendencies. The proper songs run 10–15 minutes and create their own worlds of space and time. The guitars are seemingly sentient, the drums galactic. I don't know crap about time signatures and the like, so the technical stuff all goes over my head, but this record just uniquely, incomparably rocks. Even when it doesn't. Even when it's pensive, spare, silly, and opaque. How will Tool evolve next? I can't wait to find out, but I'm sure I'll have to do just that.

1. Sturgill Simpson - Sound & Fury

Of all the curveballs on this list, my first pick is also the most difficult to categorize. Its seamless blend of hard rock, electronic, classic country and other elements makes for one unique, cathartic, and mind-blowing record. The fiery, retro-futuristic cover is a fitting image for what's packaged inside: a concept album of sorts, conveying a story of bad deeds, destruction, cronyism, cynicism, and macho ineffectuality. Maybe. Despite scores of listens, I'm not yet sure what Simpson is saying with his spacey and samurai metaphors, other than that art is a noble pursuit and people tend to suck. Perhaps a slanted take, but it feels partially right.

An animated Netflix film accompanied this record, and is worth watching (especially if anime is your thing), but the music and Simpson's inimitable drawl are the stars here. From the heavy instrumental beat of first track "Ronin" to the massive, fuzzy rock of closer "Fastest Horse In Town," Sound & Fury is an essential effort made by an artist clearly uninterested in straight-ahead genre work. Based on the trajectory of his three efforts to date, spanning a spectrum of solidly old-school country to whatever the hell this record is, Simpson will unabashedly continue pursuing his chameleonic art, which is unlike anything else I heard this year—or any year prior. It’s truly awesome.

But what about…?

Sleater-Kinney - The Center Won't Hold

I wanted to love this record long before it was released. I still don't. Not that it isn't solid, it's just too far afield from favorites The Woods and No Cities to Love for my taste. (Same can be said for former drummer Janet Weiss, unfortunately.) That's not to say acts should stick with what they're known for, but sometimes stretching results in a pulled muscle. I'm curious to see where Sleater-Kinney goes from here.

The Raconteurs - Help Us Stranger

This band has something the White Stripes didn't, something the Dead Weather don't, something Jack White on his own doesn't: uncanny, timeless familiarity. Usually, you hear one of their songs once, and it's like you heard it a thousand times on FM radio throughout your formative years. They create catchy folk-rock that feels simultaneously lived-in, real, nostalgic, fresh (and made with actual instruments). But their latest didn't do that for me.

Lukas Nelson & Promise of the Real - Turn Off the News (Build a Garden)

On a list so twangy, surely this solid folk-fueled effort fits, right? If only more of the songs hit me like the title track, which may be my favorite song of the year—yes, above all those on the aforementioned records. It’s flat-out perfect for 2019, for a parent, for a wanna-be hippie. The record is a pretty feel-good affair, but “Turn Off The News (Build A Garden” is really something special. It feels good while making a statement. It sticks like the best songs do.